My journey to write this book has literally brought me to tears with anticipation and excitement of discovery of my living relatives and ancestors, and those emotions were sometimes confusing to me. I was not clear on what I needed or wanted when I started this journey. While my motivations haven’t always been clear, my feelings told me this is important. Motivations are related to intentions. I will write more on the role of emotions later.
See the title of this book, Family Hunger? I ask you: What are you hungry for that made you pick this up and read this? Do you recognize what you are longing for? What nutrition do you need? What do you want?
It is important to know that there is a difference between “wants” and “needs”. What we need are basics like food, water, housing, stability, belonging, security, etc.- things we need for our survival. What we want are metaphorically like frosting on the cake of life that we can survive without but which makes our lives richer - things like the desire for creativity, beauty, peace, balance, connection, purpose, and deep meaning. Wants are things we want that help us thrive, beyond mere survival. Maybe some of what we want are just distractions, but we need those for respite or rest sometimes (like “mindless” entertainment). (from “Introduction to Psychology” Sixth Edition, by Ernest R. Hilgarrd, Richard C. Atkinson, and Rita L. Atkinson, Harcourt Brace Javonovich, Inc., 1975).
Is family a basic need for you? Family may not be a basic need, but family is one of the ways we get our basic needs met, a means to the ends. Have you learned not to kill the goose that laid the golden egg? Have you learned that access to the resources that allow us to fulfill our basic daily needs - stable relationships - is much more valuable over the span of our life time than winning the lottery?
Speaking for myself, I have my basic needs met, AND I want the full course meal! I want to taste that desert! I want to survive, and I want to thrive in the richness of life! And my family can help me do that. (I define family as those significant relationships who are kin by blood or marriage, as well as “fictive kin” who are friends and sometimes acquaintances who are my chosen family).
See the title of this book, Family Hunger? I ask you: What are you hungry for that made you pick this up and read this? Do you recognize what you are longing for? What nutrition do you need? What do you want?
It is important to know that there is a difference between “wants” and “needs”. What we need are basics like food, water, housing, stability, belonging, security, etc.- things we need for our survival. What we want are metaphorically like frosting on the cake of life that we can survive without but which makes our lives richer - things like the desire for creativity, beauty, peace, balance, connection, purpose, and deep meaning. Wants are things we want that help us thrive, beyond mere survival. Maybe some of what we want are just distractions, but we need those for respite or rest sometimes (like “mindless” entertainment). (from “Introduction to Psychology” Sixth Edition, by Ernest R. Hilgarrd, Richard C. Atkinson, and Rita L. Atkinson, Harcourt Brace Javonovich, Inc., 1975).
Is family a basic need for you? Family may not be a basic need, but family is one of the ways we get our basic needs met, a means to the ends. Have you learned not to kill the goose that laid the golden egg? Have you learned that access to the resources that allow us to fulfill our basic daily needs - stable relationships - is much more valuable over the span of our life time than winning the lottery?
Speaking for myself, I have my basic needs met, AND I want the full course meal! I want to taste that desert! I want to survive, and I want to thrive in the richness of life! And my family can help me do that. (I define family as those significant relationships who are kin by blood or marriage, as well as “fictive kin” who are friends and sometimes acquaintances who are my chosen family).
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